Dungeons and Dragons in the World of Warcraft

Panda Log, July 29th, 617
Sky Pirates and a Naga Temple

“Who is the One King Under the Sea?”

“Dagon of course,” it said. Its words echoed around the dark and dank room. The silence that its pronouncement left was only pierced by the skittering and squirming of the centipedes on all the floors and walls.

“Who is Dagon?” asked the blood elf. His name was Al, short for something but he won’t say what, and he was my adventuring companion.

There were four of us adventurers here. Al was a sneaky type with a rapier and a mace. He had the best mind for dungeoneering in the group and was our de facto leader and face. Tubs was our muscle. He was an enormous tauren with an even more enormous maul that I had seen him use to deadly effect. He was laconic and an all-around bad ass mother fucker that I was more than happy to be standing behind instead of in front of. Then there was Booty, a goblin with a bow. He often found himself on the receiving end of hits and took them like a champ, but he also never stopped giving his from a long way away. Lastly there was me, a pandaren historian who’s oft misremembered facts inspired the party.

We had been traveling across the ocean from Orgimmar to Lordaeron, when our airship had come under attack by sky pirates. We fought off the two small ships that had attacked us and killed the majority of the boarding party, but our ship had been damaged and we had to crash land on one of the shattered islands. It was a small island with a large volcano in the center, a village of what we assume to be murlocs, and an old naga temple that we were now in.

The temple sat in a swampy depression in the jungle. There were no trees growing in this swamp and the back half of the temple had sunk beneath it. The front room of the temple had a large Naga statue and an even larger crocodile that had attempted to have Al for dinner. He had grabbed Al but luckily we turned his death roll into death throes before Al had the chance to die.

We took some stairs out of the front room to the room we were in now. It was a smaller room, dark and dank with stone walls and centipedes crawling all about. Inlaid into the floor were three circles of gold that none of the centipedes entered. When Tubs attempted to enter the middle one, a voice had told him to please stop and a shadowy figure materialized within it.

It was mostly black and smoke with only its demonic head and bat wings clearly recognizable. It told us that its name was Queryzias and that it would trade what knowledge it had for its freedom.

“Dagon is a fiend not of this world. He is a great and powerful being who comes from another dimension that exists outside of time. He has made this world his own and has been here for longer than recorded history. He saw from his lair at the bottom of the sea when Sargeras fell and the Eternity Well was sundered. He is ancient. He has always been. He will always be. Dagon and his queen Hydra command an army of reptilian creatures that lurk and scheme in secluded hollows all across the ocean floor.

“When Dagon come from the foul place of his creation, he did not come alone. Dagon came with another. Dagon came with HIM. HE was a creature of pure madness and hate. Where Dagon wished to make this place his home, HE sought nothing else than the summary destruction of all the living and future creatures of Azeroth. Dagon wanted to shape this place in his image and rule it as a great and dire king. HE rampaged across the land destroying any and all of the early denizens of this world.

“They quickly became enemies and fought the first great war that Azeroth had ever seen. In the end, the armies of Dagon prevailed over HIM, slaying HIM, but they could not destroy HIM. They took HIS vile corpse and locked HIM into a tomb. They sealed with the words:

That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die.

“Now HE is there. In HIS tomb he waits, dreaming.”

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Panda Log, July 18th, 617
Our First Adventure

Six goblins, three blood elves, a tauren, a pandaren, and a dog get on an air ship. No one laughs, but they all get pretty drunk. We set out from Orgimmar on an airship called the Blue Dolphin in the early evening of Sunday, July 5th, 617 King’s Calendar. Our plan was to jump off the airship in mid-flight in early morning hours when we were over The Crossroads in the Northern Barrens. I was already drunk when I got to the airship, so it didn’t really occur to me how I was going to get off the Blue Dolphin, but that didn’t really seem like a big deal to me at the time.

My new compatriots and I drank most of the contents of the meager bar that the airship had on board by the time we were ready to get off. The twelve of us gathered late at night on the deck of the ship. We were the only ones there when we started to disembark. The goblins all grabbed onto handles installed into the sides of the massive crate they had brought with them. They lifted it over the side, and threw it off while still holding the handles. They fell for a short time, and then a parachute popped out of it and the slowly descended to the barren landscape below. One of the elves grabbed the dog and, along with the other two elves, drank a potion and jumped off the side where the fell like a feather, landing softly on the ground below.

That left me, the tauren, and the goblin adventurer alone on the deck of the ship. I felt that this was a great time to let everyone know that I had no way of getting down without dying. The tauren quickly scrounged around for a parachute which he gave me. I put it on and jumped. My memory goes black and I woke up the next day in The Crossroads in horrible pain with a slight hangover.

We set out from there north to where the goblins believed there were precious metals to be found. Several uneventful days went by until we came to an oasis. We made camp there and, that night, five skeletons of soldiers from wars long past emerged from the water and attacked the party. The adventurers quickly dealt with them. We found amongst their bones a magical hammer of great power. The tauren took it with glee.

We scoured the hills for a few more days until a member of our party started to walk off like a golbin possessed towards a cave. As we followed him, we began to hear the siren call of a few harpies. They were eliminated with extreme prejudice. We searched the cave that they made their lair in, and found a tunnel that led deeper in. We followed it and came to a brackish pool of water. Inside of it was an otyugh that nearly killed one of the blood elves. Amongst offal of the otyugh’s pool, we found a chest which contained some gold and a funny looking statue of a squatting monster.

When we left the cave a group of humans attacked us. They were led by two humans who called themselves James and Roland. James had some weird accent that kept changing. We dealt with them and set out back to Orgimmar. In Orgimmar, we sold our loot and negotiated a deal with the goblins so they wouldn’t get a share of the magic items. Instead we would get a 5% discount on all magic items we bought through their vendor, a wizard named Fredrick.

We took the funny looking statue to an appraiser and he had four more that looked the exact same. We bought those four and it was at this point that I remembered something from a book I had once read in Lordaeron that sounded eerily similar to what he told us about the five statues. The only detail I could remember was that it was bound in human skin. We decided to track down this book to find out more about the statues.

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Panda Log, July 5th, 617
How I Know These Crazy Kids

I don’t often write down the things I do during my wonderings, but this one deserves to be recorded. It might not be the most interesting thing in the world, but I think it is the beginning of something much more exciting. My story starts in Orgimmar, where a lot of stories start: with a terrible headache and little memory of the night before.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I came to Orgimmar looking for a book. I honestly couldn’t tell you what the book was called or what it was about. I vaguely recall remember It being about dragons or possibly murlocks. I don’t even recall where I had heard about the book or why I even wanted to read it. All I really know is that I woke up on a ship to Orgimmar with what can only be described as a life threatening hangover and mission to find a book.

I arrived in Orgimmar in late June. It’s a beautiful town carved into twisting and winding canyons on the north side of the sunbaked red rocks of Durotar. The creatures of the Horde hustle and bustle about between the countless buildings built into the rock walls. The sounds of their daily businesses echoes off through the canyons creating a din that is unlike any other place I’ve been. The denizens there make you feel somehow incredibly welcome and at same time profoundly unsafe. I often found myself there having a jovial chat over a drink in a bar that needs to be half shouted over the clashing of fists and death throes of other patrons. It’s quite a town and I’m glad that my large size and novel appearance hides my complete and utter martial ineptitude. I would not like to be weak there, but I guess I can settle for just not appearing weak.

One night, a week or so after I arrived, I was sitting up late in the common room of the inn I was staying at reading a book, when I struck up a conversation with two goblins. They were twin brothers who I came to know as Blitz and Blotz. They were in Orgimmar under the employ of their uncle and were setting out on an expedition deep into the Barrens prospecting for precious metals. After chatting and drinking with them for some time, they came to the impression that I had some great knowledge of the area and that I would be a fine addition to the team. The rest of the night becomes a blur of more alcohol and something the Blitz and Blotz referred to as Slaad Powder, but I distinctly remember making an appointment to meet their uncle the next day.

So found myself at another bar the next day at an abominable hour. For some unknowable reason, their uncle wanted to meet early in the morning. I’m not exactly sure what his nephews told him but I think he was more expecting a wondering scholar sipping tea and smoking a pipe and not a mess of a Pandaren that was rapidly going from ‘still drunk’ to ‘near death’. This meeting with Fizook was even more of a blur than the night before with his nephews. The only things that stuck with me afterwards was that we were leaving Sunday night at eight from the airship docks and that we’d be gone for some time.

Slaad Powder is one powerful substance, so I spent the time until our departure recovering in my room at the inn. I found the goblins Sunday night at the airship docks. Fizook and his two nephews were there along with two other goblins I had not met. They introduced themselves as Gordon, the underwriter of the prospecting mission, and a surveyor that I completely forgot the name of. They told me they were waiting for the security professionals that they had hired to show. They also asked why I had not shown at the meeting where they planned our expedition early that day. This was apparently one of the things that I failed to remember in my broken state on our first encounter but they said it was alright as long as I was prepared for ‘early exit from the airship’. Not knowing what that meant and not wanting to further disappoint my goblin companions, I pretended that I knew what they were talking about and assured them that I was, indeed, prepared.

Our security showed not long after I did. There were six of them. Three elves, another goblin, a tauren, and a dog.

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